I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
