i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
