i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
