That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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