As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
