she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
