If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
