Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
