I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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