i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize