I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
