D3 body, D1 cock
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
