i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
