I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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