Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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