I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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