She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
