I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
