Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
