If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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