i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
