I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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