Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
