Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
