I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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