Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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