The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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