just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
