Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My vagina is officially offended.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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