i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
