Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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