Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
