Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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