im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
