I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
