Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I deserve this hangover.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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