I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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