im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
