Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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