I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
