Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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