dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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