According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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