I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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