I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
