the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
