Someone shit on the floor
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
