I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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