dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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