Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
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