I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize