After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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