He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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