dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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