he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's blow job season.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
