Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
