he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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