Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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