so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
