my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
third nipple confirmed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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