she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
