tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
