i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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