My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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