Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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