There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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