Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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